FEMININE EROS IS TERRIBLE NEWS FOR THE FEMININE EGO

Every time I enter a state of arrogance and righteousness with Max and communicate to him from that metallic mental plane and inflamed solar plexus (where our egoic sense of 'selfhood' vibrationally dwells within the body), I deprive myself.

In choosing that searing moment of egoic gratification and rightness, I single-handedly destroy my own bliss.  

No matter what it looks like EXTERNALLY, every time (literally...EVERY TIME), I choose my preference or my entitlement over my Eros and my surrender, I physically ache.  

And by "I" -- I mean the Feminine creature within me that sources herself in Eros, in the ecstasy of surrender, and in Love.  

Eros, Ecstasy and Surrender are not Light frequencies. 

My most chthonic and hungry desires require something with far more gravitas and complexity than the ‘Lightness’ of happiness and pleasure.  

Every time I (attempt to) disrespect Max by meeting him in the gladiator ring of my own pridefulness, even IF I am technically "right", I still lose -- wildly, primally and sensually so. 

My body immediately recognizes not only the disrespect, but its own violent exile from the field of euphoria and Love that is so much the truth of stripped-down Feminine nature. 

If you confuse or mistake this deep primordial instinct within the Feminine for good-girl ‘behavior’, agreeability, contortion, the fawning reflex or even that it is *for* Max (or any man).... ie: any contorted attempt at puffing up male ego, you are radically underestimating the practically Gothic and organically paradoxical nature of the Feminine psyche and our sex. 

My surrender IS for him and ITS AN ILLUSION that it’s for him. My surrender is where I am BLESSED to be able to go to slurp the succulence of the deepest part of me. 

I recognize that these energetics are subtle. The nature of the Feminine is dripping in paradox.  And….it is also true that it is my own Mastery that guides me into the depths of my devotion and descent WITHIN (internally) and to Max's brilliant Masculine leadership (externally).  

It is my less-masterful moments of pridefulness and righteousness which are particularly corrosive to the my (Feminine) system and Eros because in those moments, when I am  just (coyly…) gunning for rightness, compulsed by pride and arrogance rather than splayed open and swollen with the ecstasy of surrender, I am denying what is TRUE. 

The moments I choose my Ego over Eros....Righteousness  over Love ...even fleetingly with Max -- are the very same moments I eject myself from not only the auric field of our Love but of the truth of my deeper need.  

For Feminine women, disrespecting the men we love is a deep, dark grotto of self-deprivation and vibrational self-harm. 

This is why the suppleness of the Feminine instrument is so life-affirming and necessary...because the very moment I am able to FEEL is the very same moment I can come back to myself....come back to Love...come back to Max ...my whole Being opening into the oceanic rays of Feminine consciousness ...opening like softly wettened petals in the morning sun.