THE "EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE" MAN

I remember when this term first showed up...and it was cracking me up because it was this new way of describing men. Before then, our favorite way was to accuse them of being "non-committal" which is hilarious because it's been revealed in multiple ways that its actually WOMEN who tend to be non-committal, NOT MEN. "Emotionally unavailable" became a popular way of describing a man that we were rejecting. 

Honestly, I haven't ever encountered such a man -- and I have studied hundreds and hundreds of men DIRECTLY and thousands indirectly and what we have seen its that  *ITS NORMAL FOR MEN TO HAVE A VERY DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIP TO THEIR EMOTIONS -- and to the REVEALING OF THEIR EMOTIONS.* 

And what I have found is that it actually has to do with 

HOW SAFE ARE WE, AS WOMEN? 

ARE WE SAFE FOR A MAN TO BE EMOTIONAL AROUND AND TO REVEAL HIS EMOTIONS? 

HOW *YOU* listen to a man and how YOU react to a man will have EVERYTHING TO DO WITH HIS "EMOTIONAL AVAILABILITY" in *your presence*. 

~ Alison Armstrong, acclaimed teacher + author of The Queen's Code and Understanding Men.  

.......................................................................................

I literally sat and transcribed this word by word from an old tele-class of Alison's in between sessions this morning. Why? Because I believe that it is so VITAL that we, as WOMEN, understand the ways that we are actively creating our experience of -- and with -- men. 

* Do you hear how common this term has become and the way we women use this as righteous and diminishing shorthand or  'code' for failing to have our needs met with a man?  

* Do you hear how this term places the locus of control of our experience OUTSIDE ourselves and instead, projects blame (and therefore collapses women into the unconscious role of VICTIM. ie: It's HIM....*not me*.)

It's HIS fault because *HE* is "emotionally unavailable". 

* Do you hear the way we as women (and men, too....it's just different use cases) use language and names and labels to justify our own pain of not having our needs fully met by blaming one another? 

* Do you hear how Alison, in her disarming and gentle way, calls women forward to CO-CREATE the experience WE SAY WE WANT TO HAVE with men?  We literally create and use terms that perpetuate *proven*, sociologically UNSOUND and INACCURATE beliefs about men, inject it into the collective, and then seek collusion from other women to support the experience WE ARE GENERATING about men.

I know that sharing my exploration of "the masculine"  certainly isn't fashionable in light of #metoo and the horrendous behavior of our Dark Tyrants (Dark Tyrants in Crisis being one of the core specialties in my practice so I know a thing or two about this type of power-addicted man).

I also know that I will likely once again be told all the lovely  "Gillian is in bed with the patriarchy" things....and that's totally ok with me because I know the truth of my transmission. I know that my words and "lens" touches deeply-- and darkly -- into a vein of collective activation -- and that this work is a knife's edge...it's delicate and I will make mistakes and fall down again + again.  I have given myself permission to do just that -- because IT'S WORTH IT TO ME to illuminate the ways that *we as women hold the keys to the very cage we say we want to be free from*. 

And I know that (seemingly counter-intuitively) WHO I AM ACTUALLY SERVING is the FEMININE (women, children, animals, and the planet) by serving men in my practice because I know how painful it is to fail at having my own needs met by men.  I also know that THERE IS ANOTHER WAY to LIVE and to LOVE....but it requires that we let go of the toxic programming you (and I) have been drowning in. I share my writing and my "Man R+D" because I see and feel the pain in the Collective created and experienced by our own selves, including ME -- and its important to understand our embedded context as men and women. Truly, the exact POISON 

WE HAVE BEEN STUNG BY ALSO CONTAINS THE ANTIDOTE. 

This is scar work.

 It is deeply vulnerable and at times, excruciating. 

It requires letting go of all the cultural hooks we have been programmed to believe are realL...and just stand there...quiet, our palms open, our hearts soft and curious, our armoring gently set aside. This is not what we are being "trained" and conditioned to do or be as women. 

AND IT IS KILLING US. 

Perpetuated false terms such as  "the emotionally unavailable man" are *engineered* to KEEP US afraid, diminished, and SEPARATE from one another. Our language CREATES....choose what it is that you are willing to believe and SPEAK INTO THE WORLD powerfully.  

All of you is welcome here...including your rage. Including your growing strength of heart and capacity to make new choices for your self and your life, moment by moment. 

I am doing the same, walking next to you in the unknown. 

I close with Alison's words ...and I invite you, just for a moment, to soften into the potent possibility of CREATING, *TOGETHER*: 

"HOW *YOU* listen to a man and how YOU react to a man will have EVERYTHING TO DO WITH HIS "EMOTIONAL AVAILABILITY" in *your presence*." 

~ Alison Armstrong 

.....................................................................................

Love you.

THE MASCULINE ENERGETIC OF THE STALLION -- -- AND WHY ITS RECLAMATION IS THE CURE

Deepest bow to wise-woman Christiane Pelmas for the gorgeousness and potency of her words....and to Sydney Culver for sharing both Christiane's words - and her own, deepening their truth with her own moonlit feminine remembrance.

"If you have ever had the great fortune to spend time around stallions, you might know why I would use this analogy. Contrary to most current belief (which is fearful of stallion energy and cages and isolates it as wild, dangerous, unpredictable, antisocial energy), stallions are the most necessarily and willingly social individuals in the herd. They thrive on social interaction, free of constraint and fear.

The mares in the herd regulate as a group to give the stallion clear messages about what is acceptable and what is not (women....this is our work to do as well). Because of this, the stallion can move among the herd protecting, playing, maintaining his critical status and experiencing himself as an integral interactive part of the whole.

If he is isolated and treated as a threat (how we treat him in domesticated settings), he becomes unpredictable, enraged, dangerous and antisocial. All the sophisticated mechanisms he is endowed with, for reading individual and group needs, for assessing danger, for play, for mating, for protecting his territory and his herd, are short circuited.

All the energy that is masterfully designed to enable him to be exactly who he needs to be, in service of his community, becomes warped and he is no longer vital, trustworthy or integrous.

IT IS ESSENTIAL THAT YOUR INNATE STALLION ENERGY BE A VITAL, INTEGRATED ASPECT OF YOUR EXPERIENCE; THAT YOU LIVE IN A STATE OF ALIVENESS AND ENGAGEMENT WITH THE WORLD WITHOUT SHAME, SHUT-DOWN, OR CONFUSION. BUT LET'S BE REAL. WE LIVE IN A CULTURE THAT IS DEEPLY FEARFUL OF YOUR PRIMAL EXPRESSION. AND THE PRICE YOU PAY (AND THE REST OF US AS WELL) FOR THIS FEAR AND ITS RESULTANT SHUT-DOWN IS CATASTROPHIC.

Without an intimate connected relationship with your wild self, the stallion energy in you, you cannot engage with the world in a way that has meaning, purpose or power. Instead, you are forced to either deny critical desires, longings and wisdom (thereby stifling your generative creative energy) or 'act out' in ways that jeopardize those people and things most important to you, like family, partnership, community and work.

There is much we don't understand about this stallion energy. We have neutered this energy to simply mean sexual desire for conquest, variety, multiple partners etc. Yet in my experience it is so vastly more sophisticated than this. Your multi-layered brain is designed to allow for, and require, a multiplicity of intimate connections that have extraordinary meaning to you. But in our culture very few speak to this, let alone teach this."

~ Christiane Pelmas

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Reading words like this (especially from such an esteemed Feminine leader + teacher) fortify me....her words grow my courage to continue to illuminate my own feminine / archetypal seeing and truth.

I will say it over and over, again and again -- 1000 different ways, but the same truth:

Reclaiming and re-wilding the inherent strength, benevolence, and integrated leadership of men and the inherent masculine aspect in ourselves and our world is life-affirming at its deepest essence. In my cosmology + lens, we do not need "less masculine energy" -- *it is AS essential as reclaimed and re-wilded Feminine energy* -- we need WHOLE masculine energy in integrity with its TRUTH.

When the stallion energetic is caged, forgotten, or misunderstood, it is each of us -- and the world we co-create-- that will continue to suffer, deeply and wildly.

The original post on facebook can be found here

"HOLDING THE MEN-FEET TO THE SACRED FIRE: CHERISHING THE FEMININE"

This is the name of the piece that wants to be -- and will be -- written and shared. But not until next week.

We are leaving shortly for the journey from Los Angeles to Big Sur where I will spend the next several days frolicking naked in the ancient soul forest and soaking all night long in the healing waters of the hot tubs cantilevered into the majestic cliffs over-looking the Pacifica Ocean. Soaking in those waters under a shooting star-spattered velvet night sky is (one of) my most exquisite pleasures and ravishings on Earth. Oh, and there is not a blessed peep of cell reception at magical Esalen...so all the Messenger / comment things will have to respectfully dangle in the "unresponded to" winds until I return.

But what wants to be made contact with for me in this moment is that "disrupting" the concept of the "emotionally unavailable* man (which Alison Armstrong illuminated for me) is only half the story. It is not for a hot second providing an excuse for The Men Friends to *not* show up in their glorious, potent, heart-opened PRESENCE for a woman/the Feminine.

For the sake of ALL of our healing and (quite literally) for the future of our world, I believe it is NECESSARY and URGENT and LIFE-AFFIRMING for men/the Masculine to be both able and willing to witness and 'hold space for' "the Feminine storm".

(Credit: "the feminine storm" is a David Deida expression.)

To my heart and my in-this-moment thoughts, LEARNING TO (aka: remembrance) TRULY CHERISH WOMEN / THE FEMININE IS THE KEY to unlocking and healing personal/archetypal/Gaian/galactic feminine pain.

Counter to much thought, I believe that this must start with the Masculine; specifically, it must start with men. (Well, it must start with OURSELVES, but in light of our embedded context as men and women upon the planet...)

And YES, it is also vitally important for the Feminine/woman to *reciprocate* (to *reciprocate* is very specific word choice on my part) with the capacity to BE a clear energetic channel of stabilized, regulated. *conscious* receiving -- which is a completely different energetic than mothering or "coddling" a man (which is killing him, ps.)

The question then becomes what does it look like for a man/the Masculine to be "emotionally available" for women / the Feminine? And if this is indeed needed, how might this be taught, modeled and/or learned?

Let me be perfectly clear that it is not the job AT ALL OR EVER for a woman/ the Feminine to "teach", way-show, illuminate, educate, etc., a man/the Masculine on how to do/be this mythologized "emotionally available" person -- or any version of such.

IF a woman in her full sovereignty and Feminine expression CHOOSES *and* has the resources (resources, which btw, are provided most often through channels of privilege) TO DO SO, then this is her *individual* choice.

For *me*, these are the questions, entanglements, and shadows that I personally choose to spelunk around inside of.

I choose to *attempt* to illuminate, challenge, look under the hood, and poke my little fingers into the archetypal hornet's nest knowing full well that I will likely be stung. And, equally if not more importantly as my heart-felt willingness, I have the resources to invest my time + my wildly imperfect thinking / exploration because of *the privilege afforded to me by our radically distorted culture*. This is a topic too large to fully honor in this moment, but it feels important to at least name this truth, this *reality*.

So, to that end, I am thinking of gathering a few resources (videos, teachers) to share early next week so that we can rock out on ways that we can together look at this complex subject of Masculine Emotional Availability -- which in its essence, is secret code for Masculine Attunement and Presence. (And speaking of secret codes, "rock out" is a total euphemism for 'wipe out, put special potions on the hornet stings, tiptoe, spitball, throw spaghetti against the wall, fall down and dust myself off' to see what might be want to be known as the dust clears.)

A final note: Being emotionally available / unavailable is not at all confined to Feminine/Masculine energetic polarities or woman/man gender embodiments.

Its a potential and human capacity for shadow or light that is alive in ALL of us....its just that the narrative + societal conditioning has been more pervasively and insidiously focused on mens'/the masculine's wound surrounding "emotional unavailability" -- which, of course, both women and men pay the high cost of in our inner lives and relationships.

A final final note, (pinky swear )

This might be the semi-awkward way I do things for a little while....open to receive / write The Thing that comes through me all raw and fiery.... and then slow my roll, read the comments + private messages and allow myself out loud + visibly to make contact with a wider aperture that is *also* Truth.

While I am deeply and utterly appreciative of all the support, the teachings and places that I truthfully, would prefer to turn away from are the places where I know I need to turn towards, and open INTO.

I am getting schooled on the regular and am so appreciative of ALL the conversation that my writing / hornet's nest poking / spelunking instigates.

Where there is smoke, there's fire....and this is the stomping grounds of shadow.

We are all ALL things (credit: Marci Lock ).

There are hunkered-down fractal aspects of me that carry the exact misandry/misogyny and oppressor-archetype templates (what Jung calls animus-possession) that I illuminate. There are times that I am quite literally throwing stones against my own glass house that *I live inside of*...and it is in those moments that I take a deep breath and turn towards the poison inside of me, trusting that contained within it, is also the medicine.
The original post on facebook can be found here

THE SHAMING of THE MASCULINE: WEAPONIZED FEMININE PAIN

Yesterday, I came across a post here in the FB wilds that made my heart skip a beat.

The subject of this particular thread was masculine ineptitude. Some dude somewhere said the unconscious thing. Some man somewhere was semi-invasive, judgmental + old school in his outreach. All of this is TRUE....and...there is a massive PROBLEM when all that it takes to trip the live-wire of the feminine pain body into a frenzied state of collusion is just some dude who says stupid, uncultivated shit:

another banal example of sanctimonious masculine communication.

Dozens upon dozens of women jumped on the thread and were hungrily throwing down their favorite eye-rolling gifs and snarky comments into the feeding frenzy. One disrespectful comment rolling right after the next, a parade of exasperated, eye-rolling gifs all serving to feed the INCOMPLETE narrative we are mainlining in our collective about the Masculine:

Men are inept.

Men do and say stupid shit.

Men are fools.

(and of course: Men are dangerous, altho this was not the aspect of the Masculine being spotlighted in this particular thread)

In the name of "solidarity", many women believe that we deserve to experience "fun" or comedy by shaming these behaviors and by celebrating their disrespect of the masculine. It is, after all, what we have been hypnotized into believing is an appropriate response via television + movies that celebrate the bumbling masculine, the man-boy, or the fool.

In my clearly less entertaining world-view, laughing at another's expense is never a "parade" or comedic. It is nothing more than gallows humor:

an unconscious and misaligned antidote to our own unspoken *greatest and singularly most devastating feminine fear*:

WHAT IF THIS IS TRUE?

What if NO MAN will EVER be able to meet me in the fullness and the wildness of my own feminine expression?

As I looked over the names of the women who were posting on that thread, my heart sank further. I know some of these women personally and professionally and have long admired their voices and their work in the world. They may read these words. And yet, here they were, armed with snarky gifs and sass, highlighting + shaming the unconscious masculine in the *false-light* name of "solidarity".

With clucking enthusiasm, the women cheered:

"OMG, THIS THREAD IS THE BEST THING ON THE INTERNET!"

Um, NO.

Let me tell you something, babygirl, that thread -- and what motivates threads like these -- is decidedly NOT "the best thing on the internet".....these threads REEK of feminine desperation. Sure, its all packaged up in cheeky "fun" and "humor" and "solidarity" -- but it is straight-up feminine grief, rage, fear, and heartbreak all tricked out in the wolf's clothing of social media.

Posts like these (and there is no shortage of them) are viewed hundreds and hundreds of time, they energetically AMPLIFY THE WOUND and the separation between men and women: they are *not* benevolent.

There is always a "river beneath the river" -- and when dozens of women come together to commiserate, disrespect, poke fun and share quips of their latest encounter with the unconscious, checked-out masculine, it is not "humor" they are seeking. It is a pressure release valve, *at the expense of the masculine* (and their deepest feminine integrity, I would fully suspect) because their own feminine pain body is terribly hurting. They have been disappointed, heartbroken, or a wound has been inadvertently touched or re-opened and instead of BEING WITH THE TRUTH OF THE PAIN, we lash out....lipgloss, hair just so, a cute dress, mile high heels... and READY TO KILL.

I deeply understand this feminine desperation:

IT IS IN ME, TOO.

There are moments that this longing feels ancient and timeless, a deep desperate weariness in body + heart for men to ALIGN in action and behavior to the TRUTH of WHO THEY ARE. And when they FAIL through meekness, arrogance, impulsivity, unconsciousness, or privilege, it touches a brimstone in the feminine psyche that RAGES in anguish. I know this place in me...I know both the fury and the sorrow that feels like it may just swallow me whole.

THERE IS A MASSIVE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FEELING OUR FEELINGS AND WEAPONIZING THEM.

The moment we as women use our voice or social platforms to spotlight masculine ineptitude just for the hell of it, to shame men in a throw-down of anguish + sorrow masquerading as "humor", we are literally weaponizing our own pain. Our pain becomes nothing more than a heat-seeking missile for collusion amongst our wounded sisters. We literally project it, vomiting it into the collective for agreement and collusion by other women who share similar wounding, the same fears, and a similar unmetabolized trauma constellation. All human beings share the same evolutionary thrust to belong....but seeking agreement and collusion to unconsciously regulate OUR OWN PAIN is nothing more than collective trauma-bonding.

The dark truth is that sometimes it IS easier to weaponize our pain than it is to bear the weight of our own archaic feminine heartache. However, each time we weaponize our pain, we are CREATING THE PROBLEM. We are perpetuating the narrative that is being *AGREED UPON BY WOMEN ABOUT MEN* and THEREFORE **CREATED** in the collective.

Women: instead of giving up our power by succumbing to shaming men for their weakness/unconsciousness/abuse of privilege, etc, we need to UNDERSTAND OUR OWN POWER and SHOW UP in our FULLNESS ALIGNED TO THIS GREAT and IMMENSE FEMININE CREATIONAL POTENCY.

**DISRESPECTING THE MASCULINE IS THE OPPOSITE FREQUENCY OF TRUE FEMININE POWER.**

I am going to write those words again so that specific transmission stands a shot in the dark chance of penetrating the clenched and armored Feminine heart:

**DISRESPECTING THE MASCULINE IS THE OPPOSITE FREQUENCY OF TRUE FEMININE POWER.**

As women, we need to BE and DO BETTER than this weaponization of our Feminine pain, for ourselves, for one another, our children, our world, and YES: OUR MEN.

THE CAR DOOR

A little fairy tale (from many moons ago) about letting

the new Love rule upon Earth

( 4-minute read)

It is our very first date, but I already know we have a love story for the ages. I peek down from the bedroom window, and watch him as he literally bounds up the front steps. Seconds later, the doorbell. Last swipe of lipgloss; my hands are trembling.

I open the door and invite him in. We sit on the deck, drinking sparkling cucumber mocktails in the waning summertime light.

In my life, I am a wear-er of the high heels and that night, a statuesque stiletto. He lightly touches my elbow in energetic reassurance as we walk down the front steps. We walk across the street to the car. He gets in. I walk around to the passenger side. My hand slowly reaches for the car door handle, and then it stops. I step backwards, away from the car.

Voluptuous shockwaves of electrifying vulnerability move throughout my body. "Gillian, open the door and get in the car", my mind commands. But my body simply stands there, cheeks flushed, hands trembling, my breath shallow and hot. Michael leans over, reaching across the console between the front seats and places his hand on the interior car door handle.

Our eyes meet through the twilight tint of the passenger side window.

The quickening of the beating of my heart, a metallic heat spreading across my cheeks, my chest.

My mind now yelling:

OPEN THE DAMN DOOR AND GET IN THE CAR, GILLIAN.

My body in complete stillness, the sinking of my heels into the earth, softened by a recent rain.

The chthonic horsemen of shame, guilt, and fear arrive to darkly ravish me with their searing heat: my belly taut, my thighs drawn tight, my throat thickening with a velveted silence.

In a matter of seconds, the collective feminine pain body-- that I, as a woman in her feminine essence, share -- has been activated. As a result,

the nodal network in my brain lights up like a christmas tree, and the fuming thoughts fire:

"Just make it easy for him and GET IN THE CAR. What is wrong with me?

I am going to straight-up RUIN this night by CHOOSING TO *NOT* DO something I do for myself every.single day. Maybe he will just drive away and I will be left standing here, alone, watching his car grow smaller in the enveloping darkness..."

But, suddenly, he is next to me.

I watch his fingers wrap around the sheetmetal of the sleek handle; his other hand solidly at the arch of my lower back, gently shimmying me out of the way. I take my seat, crossing my body with the seatbelt as he returns to the driver's side.

Smell of European leather and gorgeous man.

The air between us is pulsating. Our bodies are wildly alive with the intimacy of sharing the ancient and perhaps most quintessentially erotic --

yet *non*-sexual -- showdown between a man and a woman:

SURRENDER.

I speak my appreciation, my voice soft + true: "Thank you."

He turns to me, holding my eyes with his, gray + bright like the moon:

"It was my pleasure".

Our 2nd date:

The doorbell rings. Lipgloss + trembling hands.

He asks me to come outside to meet him. He once again bounds up the steps to meet me, his hand lightly touching my elbow as he leads me to his car. He opens the door as he hands me a bouquet of beautiful pink roses, smile as bright as the morning sun, inviting me to take my seat next to him.

....................................................................................................

A little chivalrous love story, shared to illuminate how Women / the Feminine CREATE and BIRTH the truest, deepest expression of MAN.

If the feminine essence cannot bear her own pain and her own admittedly excruciating (and deeply sensual, btw) vulnerability to initiate MEN into their inherent GREATNESS, then the Feminine pain body remains rooted as part of *the problem*. If we, as women, cannot bear our own deep vulnerability, we are not only contributing to our own unhappiness, but we are quite literally enabling the collapse of the masculine in the collective.

For those of you in your feminine essence: STAND YOUR GROUND with your man -- with ALL men.

Know with every fiber in your Being that you are WORTH *HIS* SURRENDER, time and time again.

Do not shame him when he falters:

You are not his mother nor his God.

Men WANT to be the hero for you. It is your job to administer this aspect of his hero's journey microdose by microdose.

How?

By standing your ground, and LOVING YOUR SELF

**MORE** THAN HIM.

There are deep activations occurring in the collective + men are being rocked to their core inside this archetypal vortex of healing. There is a *massive*

re-templatization of the archetype of "man", of what it even means to be "masculine" as we co-create a new blueprint of sacred cosmic partnership: individually, archetypally, globally, energetically, galactically.

With my male clients, I witness this mythic descent, this gnarly bloodbath *daily*.

I welcome and honor masculine pain -- because I trust and respect men's CAPACITY to allow the initiatory fires, the forging.

We cannot prevent this raging river of masculine pain. It is their greatest medicine. It is THE primary code that must be unlocked as we deepen into healing feminine pain...this healing winds together in deep cosmic remembrance, the double helix of our shared DNA.

Women/Feminine Essences:

Know that he is being initiated: ALLOW him to RISE in the TRUTH of his magnificence: bloodied, weary, dragging the bloated carcass of our old and dying world behind him.

The original post on facebook can be found here

"POWER vs. POTENCY: MEN AND THE SHADOW OF ARCHETYPAL POWER (oh, and sperm ❤)"

"POWER"

c. 1300, "ability; ability to act or do; strength, vigor, might," especially in battle.  

"POTENT" 

c. 1500, from potis “able, powerful, lord, master”.

POWER:

Power contains within it the possibility of having "influence" so there is often a drive towards having MORE of it. Power contains within it a frequency of GETTING.  Power can constellate tremendous Shadow. When Shadow is present, so is the potential for addiction and/or lack of sobriety -- this is evidenced in terms like  "power-addicted". This is particularly true and relevant for men and the masculine principle.  Once an addiction such as power is sensed, counter-intuitively, it weakens a man's sovereignty, because the world knows he WANTS it, so he becomes susceptible to un/conscious manipulations of his need to feed his power-drive. 

The Feminine is extremely attuned to this hunger, originally for her survival, and more-so now because of her own unconscious power-drive and shadow complex which when turbo-boosted with her deep feminine intuition will always be more sophisticated than its masculine counterpart. 

Additionally, because power contains within it the frequencies of shadow, "getting", and addiction,  it activates an unconscious drive towards possible self-destruction, what Freud calls "Thanatos": the  Death instinct. Power without Eros is indeed tyranny, and tyranny is a deeply self-destructive state for men.  

This is not to imply for that all expressions of masculine power constellate shadow or an unconscious death instinct. However, we certainly see the devastating result of a masculine psyche locked in the jaws of the addiction to power in the Icarus-like plummets of Weinstein, Tiger Woods, Kevin Spacey, Bill Clinton, and Matt Lauer  (to name only a few, sadly.)

The idea of "power" being commensurate with ability  (in French, the shared etymological root of "pouvoir" literally means "to be able") is compelling -- and revealing.  "To be able" or "to have the ability" contains within it both privilege (meaning a collective or individually-sanctioned state of permission) as well as the understanding that something can be moved from A to B. It implies a certain capacity to implement, execute, or develop -- often with "strength" or "might", especially, "in BATTLE."  

So, additional fractal realities of "power" are that its nature is one of "DOing-ness", it thrives in competition, and exists inside a zone of competence: of imposing one's will on reality simply because of enough competence to do so, and because of an individual or collective privilege of permission.  

Power is privileged, it is hungry, it wants only more of itself, it thrives on competition (and by organic extension: war). It is susceptible to external validation -- (ps: which is THE dirtiest fuel source for men in positions of leadership), and it keeps men in a zone of competency and/or excellence.  Our culture is built upon power-- it intrinsically rewards power with money, sex, and meaningless video-game points of social standing -- all engineered to feed identity consciousness (aka; the ego) and the heat-seeking missile of the reptilian brain for pleasure. 

Power hunts and consumes pleasure.   

And yes, there are different forms of power --  I am speaking most specifically to unconscious masculine power as it is articulated in our culture through the shadow aspects of patriarchy. (I personally believe that not all aspects patriarchy are shadow-infected; many are deeply benevolent.) 

ATTRIBUTES OF ARCHETYPAL POWER:

Stuck in the endless "initiation" dimension of the Hero's Journey, expresses an ethos of control, Thanatos / death-instinct, addictive, lack of sobriety, pleasure-driven, assumes privilege, can become predatorial in its hunt to "get",   is rewarded by meaningless cultural video-game points instead of a deep sense of purpose,  "capitalistic slave to power", need to feed identity consciousness (aka: the ego), dirty fuel source, sexually hungry, over-polarized in masculine Shadow aspect, effortful in competition and "battle",  expresses "gratitude", Doing-ness, stuck in zone of competency/excellence, co-dependent, uninitiated, tyrannical, fear-driven.

**POTENCY**:

The primary etymological derivation of the word "potent" is "able, powerful, LORD or MASTER"

Thus, we see that "potency" contains within in it some of the same attributes of "power" in that it includes the quality of being "able".

However, the massive distinction here is that it also contains at the level of its own epigenetic reality the concept of "Lord" or "Master".  

These are the corrective conduits to the weakness inherent in power -- as the principles of "lord" or "master" invoke an utterly different frequency of sovereignty.  To be a "lord" or "master", one must have a sense of -- and the capacity to live inside of--  "mastery" -- no longer efforting and exerting "strength or "might in battle", but living in full co-creational attunement with life. One must have King-like attributes. Just as archetypal power is encoded with shadow and Thanatos (death instinct), potency is encoded with light and Eros -- which is creational life-force. This is because potency does not contain within it a hunger for more of itself, it is not susceptible to addiction or states of egoic drunkenness in order to "get" or experience more of itself.  The masculine psyche, which Jung refers to as the Animas, is susceptible to "power-addiction" -- this is not possible with the higher frequency of potency: the human psyche literally cannot become "potency-addicted". The shadow of addiction is absent, and instead, there is an energeticl thru-line of BEINGness, not just the banal exhaustive "doingness" of power. 

Potency sources in purpose and fulfillment, not (just) pleasure. 

ATTRIBUTES OF POTENCY:  

Is in the triumphant "Return" dimension of the Hero's Journey, expresses an ethos of care + creation, Eros / life-force activation, benevolent, fulfillment-driven, Being-ness as a state of Love, wealth in all dimensions, frequency of Light, fully integrated and WHOLE, lives in the zone of GENIUS, Mastery, "Lord" as creator of one's own life, radical responsibility, high state of sexual and relationship satisfaction,  expresses *appreciation*, fully integrated and WHOLE, unapologetically expressed in the TRUTH of his nature, initiated, fulfilled in purpose, victorious, free. 

THE VICTORIOUS + LUMINOUS SPERM: 

It WINS not from doing battle -- but by expressing its most inherent and highest Truth: that which IT SIMPLY IS.

The luminous sperm which demonstrates THROUGH BEINGNESS its NATURAL capacity for MASTERY to CREATE LIFE is the most profound example of potency. It teaches us that life, from its very earliest inception is encoded with the life-affirming masculine pulsation of triumph and VICTORY -- of POTENCY. 

Man or Woman:

IF YOU ARE ALIVE, YOU ARE ENCODED WITH THE FREQUENCY OF CREATIONAL VICTORY. 

You literally have already won.❤

We are all ALL things. 

At once:  powerful and addicted; potent and impotent; in remembrance of our Truth and believing the lies. And we are EACH OF US, man or woman, encoded at our most elemental, our deepest cellular reality with the codes of VICTORY, the codes of TRIUMPH, of the most glorious expression of MASCULINE CREATIONAL MASTERY:  POTENCY. 

WHERE THE RUBBER HITS THE ROAD:  

For a man to shift from power into potency is one of the most intensive initiations of his life. It is THE game-changer.  THiS IS BECAUSE OUR ENTIRE COUNTRY AND EVERY ONE IN IT TEACHES MEN TO BE POWERFUL WHICH IS A WEAKER and MORE COMPROMISED FREQUENCY THAN POTENCY.  While I think there are a few soaring exceptions to this, in general, POWER is the currency of the (unconscious) masculine -- it is initiated and taught from one man to another.  Not so with potency: it is initiated and ACTIVATED by the channel of the CONSCIOUS FEMININE. Unless we are at the gym, I won't ever support a man in becoming more  powerful  -- as that is disrespecting the TRUTH of his NATURE. If you are a man / masculine principle, you are the CARRIERS of the greatest activations of creational possibility:  you just need to be supported to REMEMBER. 

It is my great honor to support POWERFUL men in leadership who CHOOSE to become POTENT in business and in love -- because leveling up from power to potency is THE PRECISE activation point for men (our PRIMAL leaders) to gain the respect, appreciation, wealth, love, freedom and VICTORY that is LITERALLY encoded in their DNA. 

MEN: The world needs you AWAKE, ALIVE, and POTENT AF.

I have 2 new spots available in my practice.  

If this calls to you, you'll know what to do.

"MOST MEN" (AND...more out of the closet I come)

A little bit ago, I read these words on the FB wall of a woman I hold in great regard:

"MOST MEN HAVE NEVER TRULY LOVED A WOMAN, LET ALONE WOMANHOOD."

Here is my response:

AND.....many, *many* men love women and womyn and the wild storm that is the Feminine beautifully and deeply and radically.

I understand that I am in the minority of the Feminine tempest right now as I dare to speak these words -- but it deeply concerns me that we are *creating* a narrative around "most men" that fuels both beliefs and diminished collective expectations around the masculine that fully *appear* to be "what is so".  Sadly, I only need to point to the slop bucket of tragic evidence-of-harm-done-by-white-men that is spewing its vile truth on the daily.

THE PATH THAT HAS CHOSEN ME: The sacred, hard, and thrilling work I have been called to do in our world is with this archetype of man:

power-addicted, grandiose, tyrannical, and often brilliant. These are the men -- celebrated with money, title, sex, influence and by a radically distorted American "culture" -- who have perpetuated (and yes, quite often, perpetrated) un/conscious oppressive patriarchal structures against the Feminine.

These are the takers and the pillagers and the titans of privilege. Men with hands and hearts stained with infraction and archetypal Feminine pain: their houses clean, their bellies full,  their petroleum tanks topped off, and their bank accounts fat. They are the fathers of amphibian daughters, one foot in girlhood innocence and the other in the witchcraft of woman-becoming, and they are the sons of old mothers.

AND YET:  From the hinterlands of these encounters, here is what I see:

I witness the shifting tectonic plates from an ethos of control to an ethos of care, the reclamation of TRUE masculine nature that occurs via microdose and stunning quantum leap, the bloodied emergence of the archetypal King, men willing to turn to face the distorted thought formations that they themselves *have vampirically benefited from*. 

I take a deep breath and I remind myself that these are actually the "good ones" -- although in the jaws of a giant beast of a malignant shadow. These are the men willing and consenting and re-committing TO DO WHAT IT FUCKING TAKES TO DO THE RIGHT THING. 

How? By showing up in the moment by moment truth of choosing the possibility of courage and a WILLINGNESS TO BEAR THE PSYCHIC PAIN that lives inside of every moment of our aliveness and awakening to WHAT IS SO. 

AND.....I am left trembling, sometimes for hours, after these encounters. They can be very big experiences for me.  It takes everything I have learned and all that I am --  and artifacts and interventions and tools I don't dare speak here.  Together, we are staggering along a sometimes harrowing knifes-edge, and I am not a soft place for these men to land.

"MOST MEN" have the cold steel grip of the Death Mother wrapped around their knotted thick throats. She is administering the slow death of an emanation of masculine that must die so that the activation of the ALL NEW can occur.   Our burning world is readying itself to be re-imagined and rebuilt on the strong arching backs of "most men", their once-smooth hands blistered and ragged from the fires of the forge and their knowing eyes now stinging with hot salty sweat.